Ten things that I ....

• Pavements. Okay, in my mind pavements are things that keep pedestrians safe, smooth, level, free from obstructions. Not here, this is where you set up market stalls, deposit things you no longer need, urinate (to the extent ammonia stings the back of the throat) and generally sweep all your trash. The rules are; two adjacent shop fronts should not allow their pavements to meet in any sane manner, the addition of few steps of random height is beneficial as is tilting the pavement in the opposite direction. On any smooth section there should be frightening holes of indeterminable depth or for no apparent reason a large rock placed in the middle of the path. Alternatively broken concrete or large piles of sand should scattered in large mounds preferably so that it forces the pedestrian into the oncoming traffic. On no account should any effort made to move any obstruction or alert the average pedestrian. Also casually stepping off the pavement may result in a fall of bone jangling proportions.



• Hello my friend... People who grin, shake you hand, ask for every last detail of your life before promptly trying to sell you there friends hostel, trip, guide, bar, postcards, sweeties or just blatantly ask for cash.



• Toilet paper. Its a sign of an up market establishment to find that it has its own toilet paper.



• Taxis. If I am walking down the street, beeping your horn is not going to make me want to get in a taxi. If I am staring at your taxi, as it limps with the engine off down the street, it is in shear amazement that it still functions as a vehicle. Getting into such a death trap is not encouraged by driving at me in hope I might get bounced into the passenger seat. If you are going to charge three times the going rate, at least have the decency to know where you are going and not stop get out and ask random passers by for directions, or enroute ask me pay to refuel the car.



• Knarly women with weather beaten faces and gap teeth who ask you home for a cup of tea - Not just Australian women either ;-)



• Cups of tea made with luke warm water



• Coffee made from god knows what, probably local mud, unfortunately this is perfectly normal.


Okay not quite ten, but there is time yet....